aneuploid grade 3 infiltrating ductal carcinoma of the breast

also she has had a relapsed Stage II-b breast cancer

What is ER negative and palliative chemotherapy

I don't know what to do or say to her

The first thing to do is ask your (wife's) doctor exactly what the terms mean in plain english. From what you write it sounds like your wife has had breast cancer (DUCTAL just refers to the type of breast tissue first involved ie the milk ducts and CARCINOMA is just another word for cancer. TUMOR is a growth of the cancer and can be the primary [original] growth or a secondary growth at a local or distant site in the body ). The STAGE or GRADE refers to the extent to which the cancer has spread. 1 the tumor has not spread ;2 it may have infiltrated/invaded the local tissues and /or lymph nodes; 3 it has spread distantly and can turn up in other parts of the body eg lung, liver, bone. From your message I assume this is a recurrence of an earlier cancer and that the cancer is quite widespread with no chance of a cure . I'm guessing she has probably had chemotherapy in the past and her cancer is resistant to it or there is just so much tumor bulk the amount of chemo needed to kill the cancer would also kill your wife. PALLIATIVE chemo is designed to relieve symptoms (usually pain) but is not expected to cure. ER NEGATIVE is not a term familiar to me in australia but here and in the uk we have a term NFR (not for resuscitation) which applies to patients who are in the end stages of a terminal illness and it would be just cruel to try to try to bring them back to life when the heart stopped. I am guessing that ER
(emergency resuscitation?) negative means the same thing. What do you say to your wife? I don't know. I only know that there should be no secrets between you. You obviously love her deeply and it would be a crime if you both thought you had to hide things from each other. Get the cancer thing out in the open so you can deal with it and not let it get in the way of your remaining time together. Quality of life , not quantity, should be your main target. That is what good palliative care is about. Ask your/her doctor what services are available to you. I know what you are going through is frightening for both of you. I don't know your exact circumstances but if you have family and/or friends lean on them a little. It will help you and them and give you all a common support now and later .