- As a one time (but long time) "victim" of depression, I sympathize more with you than I do your husband. No one - not even a wife - can carry another individual. One of the symptoms of depression is that it devalues all it sees. The more you do for your husband, the more you "should" be doing for him.

My cure came in the form of highly active involvement in a twelve step program. I found that normal people get the support they need in small doses from many people. You can suggest professional care, but I haven't seen that it does much good. I've had the anti depressants, and they all just elevated a "down" mood somewhat. And reliance on a professional often just continues the problem - the expectation that someone will somehow "take care of" the problem.

In fairness to your husband, depression is a "what's the use?" illness. "Yeah, it's all very nice what you're saying about involvement with other people, but "what's the use?" "I've always been miserable and always will be." Depression is also a disease of altered perception. It becomes difficult, if not entirely impossible to imagine that there is another way of feeling, or that things could possibly change for the better. I can see this in myself occasionally when I have a set back. I that my feelings will change, but at the time I'm in the grips of the momentary depression, it becomes very difficult to this.

Always, the solution for me is involvement with other people. I can't think my way out of depression, but I can take action which will pull me out of it. It sounds cruel to say it, but I've had to face the truth so many times. The cause of my depression is too much thinking about myself and too little about other people.